


of alchemists and angels

by tsariitsa



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: I don't even have an excuse for this, LMAO, M/M, fuck it, i loved writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 21:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4035334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsariitsa/pseuds/tsariitsa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A temperamental alchemist and an enigmatic angel meet in a bar. There is no punchline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	of alchemists and angels

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys enjoy reading this. you need to try to think.

           The bar was usually quiet this time of night, and that was exactly how Edward liked it. When you came to get away from people looking down at you and demanding things and pushing and pushing no matter how you tried to run in your own direction, there was nothing quite as comforting as white noise and people that wouldn’t ask questions before tossing you a beer or two or ten.

            Not that he liked beer.

            He sat down at one of the stools, fiddling absentmindedly with his gloves. His coat was worn, his foot blistered, and bags circled his eyes, giving more than enough evidence that he had been run dry for quite some time now. He had told Al to stay in the motel and not to worry, that he was simply going out for a walk. Sixteen wasn’t anywhere close to the proper age to start downing your sorrows in vodka.

            The bartender glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. “Ya here again?” he asked in a heavy accent Ed couldn’t exactly place.

            He smirked, drumming his fingers on the counter. “It’s only my third day and I’m stuck here for another week. Give me a break.”

            “Yer’ aware I ain’t givin’ ya a drop o’ nothin’, aren’t ya?”

            Ed sighed. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll just sip my juice like a good little boy. Don’t get yourself in a twist.”

            A small glass of orange juice was pushed in front of him, though Ed took one sniff and suspected there was a shot or two of something sketchy mixed in. He normally wouldn’t touch it, but something in him was stirring tonight, and his fingers shook. Self doubt? Anxiety? The kind of thing that only popped up when lead after lead ( _after lead after lead afterleadafterleadafterlead)_ was going wrong and it seemed like he was screaming and screaming but no one would even raise their head to notice.

            He stirred his straw absentmindedly. He didn’t even notice someone was sitting beside him until, “Will you drink it?”

            Edward jolted to reality, biting back a curse as he nearly spilled his drink all over him. _What the…_ He looked over to his left, eyes narrowed. There sat a boy, with messy hair so white it reminded him of snow (though he had only seen snow once) and eyes crimson and innocent-looking. _An Ishvallan?_ No. His skin was too pale, and he wasn’t dressed at all to match their culture. This was simply a boy with odd coloring.

            “I assumed you wouldn’t. You didn’t seem very eager about it. Having second doubts?”

            Hell, his very way of speaking was weird. The alchemist frowned, not quite sure what to make of this. “Who the hell are you?”

            The boy smiled. “Kaworu,” he said simply. “Kaworu Nagisa. I saw you here yesterday, you know. You look tired and worn down.”

            _Rude._ Had anyone else waltzed up to him and started questioning him, he’d have probably transmuted their ass off. After all, he wasn’t too fond of opening up to anyone. Much less some stranger in a bar. If he couldn’t talk to his own brother about this stupid fucking void that was starting to swallow him whole, then why would he start weeping on the shoulder of some pretty boy in a town he had first visited a mere three days ago?  

            “I really don’t see how that’s any of your damn business,” he muttered, turning his head away.

            “You don’t like opening up to people, do you?”

            Ed stifled. _Who the hell does this guy think he is?!_

“That’s okay.” He laid a small, pale hand on the counter next to his. Edward couldn’t help but notice there were little cuts and scrapes on the otherwise soft-looking skin. “Trust doesn’t equal vulnerability. However, it certainly helps.”

            “Helps with what?” The blonde nearly bit down on his tongue. The boy looked genuine enough, and not at all intruding. Barely even curious. More as if he could see right to the past, see what could happen and what had happened, that those red eyes would be able to trace his very footsteps and find what kept him up at night. And Ed didn’t like it one bit.

            “The noise inside. Or perhaps it’s numbness. It varies quite a bit from person to person. Regardless, everyone has got to get rid of it somehow. And talking to loved ones certainly helps. Do you have any loved ones?”

            “Of course I do,” Ed snapped. He did. He sometimes felt he had too many: Al and Winry and Granny and Izumi and Sig and and sometimes he felt he could trust Roy and Riza had an almost motherly look in her eyes and it scared him because he really didn’t deserve a single one of them. And, like every good thing in his life, he was terrified that one day they, too, would be snatched from him and he would be alone and then that pit inside would consume him and there would be nothing left.

            “But you don’t talk to them about these things.”

            “Don’t you have anything better to do?” he snapped. “Go read a book or something, kid.”

            “Are you afraid they will think of you differently? Or perhaps,” and he paused, tilting his head to the side. “Perhaps you are scared they will worry the way you do. Or that you aren’t worth the worry.”

            Edward froze. His hands started shaking, and perhaps Kaworu noticed, because there was silence between the two until Ed stood up and growled, “Did someone send you?”

            He blinked. “No one sent me. I came on my own accord.”

            “Right. So you talk to random fucking strangers about this kind of crap? Playin’ some kind of shrink?” He knew he was being harsh, but he couldn’t help it. This was just another pushing factor to cause him to snap.

            Kaworu didn’t look very phased by his outburst, and that did nothing but anger Ed even more. _Who the hell are you to waltz in here and talk about me like you know me?!_

            “You’re not a stalker, are you?” He had dealt with his fair share of ‘dedicated’ fans, and he wasn’t afraid to admit they could be _too_ dedicated sometimes.

            “Stalker? No. I’ve observed that you’ve come here before, however. And you’ve always seemed deep in thought, off in your own little world. You seem sad.”

            The blonde grit his teeth. “You don’t know my life story, you know.”

            “I don’t,” Kaworu admitted, rubbing his finger along the side of his pale neck.

            “And why the hell do you care?”       

            “Because...” He broke off, tilting his head to the side, his lips quirking in a half-smile. “You seem like a very interesting person.”

            With a sigh, Ed got up from his chair suddenly. “I have somewhere to be,” he said. “See you.”

            Kaworu hummed, getting up as well. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

            “Depends,” he answered cryptically, before turning on his heel and walking out of the bar without another word.

* * *

 

            He wasn’t back the next day, or the next. But he was back on the third day, and Kaworu was surprised. He had assumed the boy had left town. Or perhaps he had decided that he didn’t want to see him again. Not that Kaworu minded. He had observed the boy before. Seeing him in passing had been odd enough, with his metal limbs and the tall suit of armor traveling beside him (he assumed it was someone close to him), but seeing him at the bar in the late hours of night only piqued his interest further. After all, no content human spent their time in a bar late at night.

            He wasn’t in the same spot as before, but he was dressed in the same clothes, with the red coat and strong boots, his golden hair pulled back into a messy plait. His eyes, however, intrigued Kaworu the most. Like molten gold, they were, and they would light up or glare or flash with a spark. Though, lately, he had been seeing the opposite. They seemed almost worn down. The fire was still there, but it had dimmed, and Kaworu wasn’t sure what to think of that, besides that fact that he wanted to know why.

            This time, he decided his approach should be more careful. Just flouncing back in and talking to him might anger him further, like last time. So, this time, he had a plan.

            “You’re back.” He slid into the chair next to him.

            Ed nearly fell out of his chair. “You again? Damn, mind giving me a warning next time?!” He scowled, rubbing his knee where he had bumped it against the counter.

            “I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to frighten you.”

            “You didn’t frighten me. I was just … startled. Anyway, what do you want now?”

            “To talk.”

            “About what?”

            “I have a game.”

            Edward stared at him incredulously. “A game.”

            Kaworu nodded. “It’s a popular game for getting to know strangers, one that many humans use to create bonds and gain knowledge.” He didn’t feel that, after yesterday, ‘strangers’ was the right word. But he couldn’t think of another one to use.

            …

            Ed sighed. “And if I play your game, you’ll leave me alone?”

            “Perhaps. We ask each other questions.”

            The blonde’s brows furrowed, but he nodded. “So, what, we take turns asking questions and answering them?”

            “That’s the game.”

            “Fine. I’ll go first.” He drummed his fingers on the counter. “Why do you keep bothering me?”

            “I’ve answered that already, haven’t I? I find you to be interesting.”

            “What’s that supposed to mean?!”

            Kaworu tutted. “It’s my turn now: what’s your name?”

            Ed raised an eyebrow. “Edward Elric.”

            The name rang a bell, though Kaworu wasn’t sure where he had heard it before. He tried his best to stay on top of each world he visited, but it wasn’t easy. He vaguely remembered reading an article in the newspaper, however, with that name mentioned. Something to do with the world’s main science: alchemy. And, judging by the emblem on his jacket and the gloves he wore, alchemy wasn’t too far off.

            Ed’s next question was: “Do you live in Thastle?”

            The pale-haired boy shook his head. “I’m a traveler, you could say. And I’m assuming you are too, correct?”

            “Somethin’ like that. I’m here on business.”

            “Are you some sort of businessman?”

            “No way in hell. I work for the military.” He didn’t go into detail, but something clicked in Kaworu’s mind, and his smile grew.

            “The Fullmetal Alchemist.”

            “Yeah.” He smirked, straightening a bit. “That’s me, alright.”

            Kaworu blinked. “I didn’t expect someone of your ranking to be so…”

            Edward twitched, his eyes narrowing as he waited for the oncoming blow, the ‘s’ word that would lead to his temperamental demise.

            “Blunt.”

            He deflated. _Blunt?!_ “Wait, what?”

            “I expected you to cover up your presence more, but you’re quite honest with it. You’re very open with your words, instead of sugarcoating things, is that right?”

            “Wait, so you don’t think I’m…” He took a deep breath and muttered, “Short?”

            Kaworu looked confused. “I think your height is perfect.”

            Ed flushed, and he looked away, setting his jaw. _What the hell?_ He thought. _Perfect?_ He had never received a compliment anything like that before and it was as shocking as it was flattering. He looked genuine enough, but perhaps he was being mocked. _PERFECT?_

            “My turn,” he murmured. “Are you an alchemist?”

            Kaworu shook his head. “Not at all.” He hadn’t really had time to get into alchemy, though he found the concept fascinating. “I find it very interesting how humans came up with it, though. The entire foundation of this world is built on alchemy; a scientific magic, if you will.”

            Ed snorted. “It’s not ‘magic’. It’s entirely logical. Alchemy’s entire principle is based off of a give and take process. You cannot gain unless you give something up of equal value. There’s no magic about that. It’s a fact.”

            The boy was silent for a bit, staring at Edward like he was a particularly difficult blueprint. “I agree with you. Humankind has always given their best efforts in order to gain what they believe is the best for themselves and the future generations of their race.”

            “Exactly.” Ed grinned. “It’s the law of the universe, really.”

            “Have you ever been in a situation where that wasn’t the case, however? Where you gave but didn’t receive?”

            Ed’s entire demeanor changed entirely. His shoulders slumped, and his eyes grew dark. An abrupt change from relaxed to tense and … well, kind of pissed off. Kaworu was worried he’d said the wrong thing, but the alchemist started to speak. “…Yeah. Yeah, I made a hell of a large mistake a while back. And I’m paying for it to this day, trying to make things right again.” He smiled a bitter little smile. “To be honest, I still don’t see the equivalency in that. Though, who knows?” He sighed, tucking his arms behind him and leaning back in his chair. “Maybe I will, some day.”

            “Some would argue the struggle itself gives your life meaning. The knowledge you’ve gained, while trying to fix things, and the hope in your heart. Hope does not always come so easily, Edward.”

            “Fuck that shit,” he muttered. “I just want to finish this and be done with it.”

            “And then what will you do?”

            “It’s my turn to ask the next question,” Ed snapped. “Where are you from?”

            Kaworu stared at him. “Where am I … from?” He vaguely remembered anything specific about his old life; he remembered Shinji, of course, and even SEELE, and Adam. He remembered his earlier purpose, before he decided to run for his freedom. But jumping through time and space had its perks and its downfalls. One of which was shady memory.

            “Somewhere very far away. I doubt you’ve heard of it.”

            “Try me.”

            “…Tokyo .”

            Ed stared at him. “Never heard of it.”

            “Like I said, it’s very far away. My next question is: what is your favorite type of music?”

            The blonde nearly choked on his juice. _“Music?”_ He hadn’t listened to music in quite a while, save for passing-by street musicians or the occasional festival. Even as a kid, he hadn’t been too into it. And what kind of question was this, anyway?

            Though, he remembered his mother loved music. The radio at their house would often play songs that their mother would hum while working, and Winry would bug him and Al to dance to the jollier ones, though he’d always refuse (“I’m not dancing with a gross girl!” “You can’t dance with a boy!” “I’m not dancing with anyone!”) and Al would constantly step on her toes. The memories brought a smile to his face.

            Kaworu’s eyes lit up. “You smiled.”

            The smile vanished. “I-I was just remembering something. That’s all.”

            “Music is the most amazing thing humans have invented. It can make you remember fond things, smile, cry, sing or dance. To sing and dance is to be one with music. Do you do either?”

            “No way in hell.” Ed snorted.

            “Why not?”

            “It’s just … not my thing.” He had never really had time to dance or sing. It’s not as if that could help him get closer to finding the Stone.

            “You should do things that make you smile. They make life worth living.”

            Ed sighed. “I don’t have time for that kind of idealistic notion right now, I’m afraid. And, hey, you just asked two questions in a row!”

            Kaworu blinked. “My apologies, Edward Elric.”        

            “Now I ask two: first off … uh … favorite color?”

            He thought for a moment. “Blue. What’s yours?”

            “Red. And now, my second question: how old _are_ you?”

            The question made him want to laugh. How old was he? He had no idea. He had gone through so many timelines and alternate dimensions that he could be over a thousand years, for all he knew. Physically? He guessed he was fifteen or sixteen. He decided to go with the latter.

            “Sixteen.”

            Edward snorted. “You talk like some wise old man but you’re my age? Yeesh.”

            Kaworu smiled, and so did Edward. That was nice. He liked it. Edward had a nice smile. He liked looking at him, talking to him. He was starkly different from Shinji, but he was also the same in many ways. He could feel something almost click in his mind. The tiny hairs on his arms stood on end, and he wondered if the same had happened to Ed.

They probably could have stayed like that for longer, but Kaworu continued, “The mistake you mentioned earlier, did it involve your metal limbs?”

            Ed’s jaw fell. “How did you…?”

            “I’m observant.”

            Edward stared down at his right hand, resting on the counter. He spread his fingers wide, and then closed the hand into a fist. “Yeah, it did.”

            “And you will do anything to fix it, won’t you?”

            “Damn right.”

            “Even if it costs you your own life?”

            Ed looked up, right into Kaworu’s eyes, burning flames staring into crimson. “Even if it costs me my life times a hundred.”

            Kaworu blinked, the look on the boy’s face taking him by utter surprise. And then it hit him: this was exactly what he had been hoping to see all this time. He glanced at the clock on the wall, his heart sinking slightly.

            “I have to go now.” He got up from his spot on the stool, almost too quickly.

            Edward furrowed his eyebrows. “Got somewhere to be?”

            He nodded.

            “Right, well … don’t do anything stupid.” He looked like he wanted to say more.

            “I’ll keep that in mind.”

* * *

 

            Their meetings became a sort of tradition, after that. Ed stayed for a week longer. The case was running him dry, more victims falling to the criminal’s hands as the days passed. But being with Kaworu was like a stress reliever. Even if he didn’t mention what he was doing (or had done), the boy had an easy-going, kind quality about him. Talking to him helped the knot in his stomach gradually loosen and, though he knew it wasn’t a good idea, he found himself looking forward to their talks. Kaworu had an odd tendency to say things out of nowhere (“Your coat compliments your personality.” “You yell quite a bit.” “You’re a gentle person at heart, aren’t you, Edward?”) that confused him and agitated him, both. But he wasn’t harmful, Ed knew. If anything, he was the opposite.

             He and Al had finished their mission for the town on their twelfth day there, and were going to catch the next train to Central that morning, where he was sure a lead to the stone had his name engraved into it. He had thought of Kaworu often throughout their two-day silence period (where he had been busy), which surprised him. The boy had left an impression. He was a bit odd, kind of eerie at times, but he had also seemed like he genuinely wanted to get to know him, which confused him. What kind of motive could he possibly have?

            Kaworu never yelled, never got angry, and rarely spoke about himself. He seemed content talking about others, or about life and the universe, sprouting philosophical statements and quotes the way Mustang sprouted cheesy pick-up lines. And, as those pick-up lines made most women giggle and coo, these statements made Ed wonder.

            But not coo or gush. That was just weird. Of course.

            Kaworu’s oddest habit was his tendency to speak as if he were otherworldly. He spoke of the human race as if he were not part of it. Which made no sense, of course.

            Of course, not was all well with Kaworu Nagisa. The kid had seen some pretty awful things, Ed was sure. I t was obviously in the way his shoulders slumped whenever he thought he wasn’t looking, as if aching with some kind of invisible weight. His eyes had dark circles that grew blacker as the days went by, and there were little scars and scrapes on his hands.

            But he never mentioned it and he always smiled, like nothing was wrong.

            And now Edward had to leave. Alphonse was at the town festival right now, a simple little number the townspeople had put together for their victory against the murders that they had stopped. Even now, he could hear the music and the sounds of people laughing, rejoicing, making memories. He had told Al he was going to go get some fresh air, and that he’d be back. Part of him wanted to see Kaworu once more, to say his farewells cleanly and then leave. Another part of him, a much larger part, thought it would be easier to just get out of town and never have to face the pale-haired boy ever again.

            “You’re not at the festival.”

            _Speak of the devil,_ Ed cursed silently, nearly jumping out of his skin. There, in all his glory, stood Kaworu Nagisa, his hands in his pockets and a smile on his face. In the dark night, where no one else was near, he seemed even more stark and different than ever.

            “May I sit?”

            “Uh, sure.”

            Kaworu perched right next to him. “You’re tensed up.”

            The blonde chuckled nervously. “Tense, huh?” And he muttered under his breath , “Whoop de fucking do.”

            “Hm?”

            “Nothing.”

            Kaworu looked up, his smile growing. “Humans seem to have a fascination for the stars, don’t you?”

            Ed followed his gaze. He had to admit, the stars were looking pretty spectacular tonight. Hidden among the sky, like jewels in a velvet blanket, they winked and danced in and out of sight, lighting the night with their shimmer. “Yeah, we do. You can’t blame us. No one’s ever really touched them, but they’ve always wanted to.” He smiled spitefully. “Man has always wanted to fly to impossible heights.”

            “I’m glad we can still observe the stars here. In some places, humans have polluted the atmosphere to the point where the sky appears blank.”

            “You’re kidding.” Ed shook his head. “That sounds like a dumbass move.”

            “You’d be surprised.”

            There was silence amongst the two. Ed would have loved to claim it was a comfortable silence, like the silence between two friends who didn’t need anything but the presence of each other to be happy. But it was an awkward silence, filled with half-spoken words and confused feelings. Ed opened and closed his automail fist, wondering if the tension could be cut with his blade. Every thought that went through his head both angered and confused him. Why did he _care_ what kind of silence it was?

            “You’re leaving tomorrow morning, aren’t you?”

            He was happy the silence had been cut for him, but he wasn’t so eager to answer the question. Though Kaworu didn’t sound particularly crushed or close to tears, or even quiet and worried (the way he always thought Winry sounded when she asked questions like this). Still, he couldn’t help but feel a little pang in his chest as he nodded. “Yeah. Our work’s all done here, so we’ve got to keep moving.”

            “And onto the very next step of your journey? Your diligence is an admirable thing.”

            “Admirable. Huh.”

            Kaworu eyed him warily, his gaze both cautious and intrigued. “Tell me, Edward … do you fight for someone?”

            Ed looked at him quizzically.

            “You’re constant travelling and working. The fatigue you must feel, the ache of longing for a home. They don’t come off your own happiness, do they?”

            He immediately thought of Al, out at the festival, probably hanging out with some kids or playing some silly little games or something. The kind of life he deserved. The kind of thing he should have been doing on a daily basis. And then he thought about him having to watch everyone else eat cotton candy and corn dogs and experience the warm embrace of a lover, wondering if he would be able to ever do the same. “I do. I have someone to fight for.”

            Kaworu smiled. “I’m glad. They will make things bearable for you. However, having loved ones comes with some difficulty too, doesn’t it?”

            Ed narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

            “When you have someone you cherish, you give them a little bit of your own happiness. And, should they ever disappear, your happiness will be gone as well. Though being alone is just as painful. It truly is a dilemma, isn’t it?”

            He didn’t know why, but Ed felt automatically defensive. He knew Kaworu was right, and that he hadn’t meant to offend him or do anything but express his weird thoughts and feelings on ‘humankind’. Though, the way he spoke, as if having loved ones could be a burden of sorts … really, it kind of annoyed him. He wasn’t even 100% sure why, but it annoyed him, and he found himself snapping, “So, what, what _you_ got any loved ones then?”

            The boy’s smile disappeared in an instant, and his eyes glanced away. “Yes.”

            Ed’s brows shot up in surprise. Kaworu had always had that odd sort of presence around him, as if he would simply float away or disappear sometimes. The thought that something actually attached him to the ground was surprising, to say the least, and he found himself intrigued.

            “Who is it?” He wondered if he had a dear friend, a mother, a father, a brother, a sister, a girlfriend, _a boyfriend?_

            “Someone … a boy I used to know. He was incredible. He didn’t think much of himself, though he was very, very brave. I wanted to make him happy but…” His shoulders hunched over, eyes, for once, scared, almost anxious and desperate. “I fucked up.” His hands were shaking. Hell, his whole form was shaking, like there was an earthquake inside him.

             Ed was distracted for a split second by the immediate change in demeanor and, but was suddenly more distracted by the fact that the boy, for the first time, seemed vulnerable and pained. And he wasn’t very good with comfort.

            “Ah, h-hey, it’s alright,” he said awkwardly, clearing his throat. “I kinda know what you mean.” He wasn’t lying. He had tried to make Winry happy, long ago, with promises he wasn’t even sure he could keep. But, in the end, all he was good for was making her cry. And Al. Al, who probably hated him for pushing him into the biggest mistake of their lives. He always ruined everything. And trying to fix it made it worse, usually. “You feel worthless. And helpless. They deserve happiness and you want to give it to them but…” He looked down, clenching his hands into fists and gritting his teeth. “But you can’t.”

            Kaworu looked at him, as if he were looking at him for the first time. “Yes. Yes, that’s it.”

            Edward nodded, a bittersweet smile on his face. _I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve any of them._

“Do you love her?”

            Ed’s squawked, “Wh-What makes you so sure there’s a ‘her’?!”

            “Is it a boy, then?”

            “No, you idiot! It’s just … no, I don’t think I love her in _that_ way. She’s a sister to me.” He sighed, leaning back on his hands and blowing his bangs out of his face. “So what about your guy…? You think you, uh, love him?” His stomach turned, though he wasn’t sure why.

            “I don’t know.”

            There was silence again, and Edward found himself scrambling for something to say before it got _too_ awkward—wait. Too late. It was tense again. What was it about this guy that made him so nervous?

            But, as it turned out, the silence was broken for him once more. “Do you think you’re happy, Edward?”

            Edward sighed, standing up suddenly. “Why do you care?”

            Kaworu stood up as well and looked at him, confused. “Is it wrong to care?”

            “Well, we’re not exactly close!”

            “We’ve exchanged names, conversation and shared mutual enjoyment. Are we not friends?”

            Twitch. “But even when we first met, you would come up with all of this psychological crap! And you talk like you’re some kind of new age philosopher. You can’t tell me you’re a regular teenager that walked up to a stranger in a bar and started talking. There’s no way in hell you’re some ordinary kid.” _And it pisses me off that, after all this time and all these talks, I_ still _feel like you’re some twisted enigma I don’t really know a single thing about!_

“I don’t understand your request.”

            “Who the hell _are_ you?!”

            They stood there for a moment, Ed with his fists clenched and eyes narrowed, all fire and spark and slicing anger. And Kaworu, his hands in his pockets, looking at the boy in front of him with slight apprehension. Or was it sadness?

            “I’m an angel.”

            Silence. Edward’s eyes went as wide as quarters, and Kaworu smiled, looking away.

            Was he surprised at his response?

            That was the funny thing. No. No, he wasn’t.

            Because Edward scream-in-your-face-about-science Elric didn’t even question his response. Even though he wanted to. Even though he didn’t believe in angels. He believed that this mysterious, beautiful boy was truly an ethereal creature who had ascended from heaven. He wasn’t real. He couldn’t be real. What did he do to deserve this?

            He started laughing.

            And it wasn’t his usual bitter chuckle or a sound of confusion or even a hysteric cackle.

            No, he full out belly-laughed. The kind of laughter that made his eyes scrunch up and he leaned forward, holding his stomach and laughing so hard he had to squeeze his legs together.

            The pale-haired boy looked at him in surprise before cracking a smile, watching the alchemist in front of him, who soon managed to calm himself into chortles, then chuckles, and then he straightened, throwing his head back for a moment and catching his breath. “You know,” he said with a wan smile. “You really are a weirdo.”

            Kaworu had never heard that before. “Is that meant to be a compliment?”

            “Maybe.”

            He smiled. “I’ll take it as one, then. And you haven’t answered my question.”

            The Fullmetal Alchemist glanced up at the taller boy, his eyes slightly narrowed, though not with anger. “To be completely honest, not really.”

            “Yet you carry on. That’s really very brave of you.”

            “Brave, huh?” His lips twisted into a bemused smile. “Nah. It’s all about finding things that make you happy, even if it’s for one damn second.”

            Kaworu cocked his head to the side, acknowledging this.

            “And you?”

            “Hm?”

            “Are _you_ happy?”

            He opened his mouth to reply but, before he could say a word, Ed cut him off. “And don’t give me some bullshit answer. You got the truth from me, didn’t you? So it’d be an equivalent exchange. You don’t have to be all secretive and smile like your sadness is some fucking secret you can’t tell anyone about, because that’s crap.”

            The angel stared back, stunned. He hadn’t ever heard those words before. He hadn’t heard anything _like_ that before. Like someone would let him step down, rather than him always spreading his wings in protection of others. He recalled one particular timeline, where he had overheard Shinji and Asuka arguing.

            _“You can’t say something like that to him!” Shinji had said quickly, grabbing her wrist. “Don’t be so cruel.”_

 _“Why not?” she snapped, wrenching away from him. “It’s not like he has feelings, you know. He’s an_ angel. _Idiot!”_

And perhaps she had a point. He felt like a doll sometimes. He could feel nothing for days, like his insides were hollow and his heart had turned to sand. He wondered if that, too, had some kind of name to it.

            Yet many days, it was the exact opposite. There would be nothing but panic, as if his stomach was twisting into itself, and his head was racing against something he could never beat, which would consume his thoughts and drown out everything until he couldn’t breathe.

            But he never told anyone.

            And, now, someone was staring back at him as if he _knew._ And, really, Kaworu wasn’t sure what to say. He tried to keep from shaking as he shrugged. “Well, I suppose you already know the answer. I’m not happy.”

            Edward’s eyes widened. He had had his suspicions, and this innate sense of _knowing_. But hearing it out loud was completely different.

            “But,” he continued, looking up at the twinkling stars once more, “I’m not unhappy. It’s like you said. Finding things that make you happy will give you the power to keep walking. That, and the will of choice. I’m not sure I know _how_ to be happy. But some things certainly help.”

            Ed opened his mouth, but this time he was the one cut off.

            “And that’s why I’d like to thank you, Edward Elric.”

            The alchemist looked confused. “Thank me?”

            Kaworu smiled at him, though, this time, the corners of his lips lifted a little higher, and his eyes shone, rather than looked away and glazed with sadness. “You gave me a reason to be happy.”

            Something kind of smacked into him. No, that wasn’t the way to put it. Something struck him. Something inside him. It was as if Kaworu had summoned his heavenly powers and fucking _zapped_ him, zapped the resolve out of him and tore his walls down and hit him with a lightning bolt, setting every one of his nerves on fire and he didn’t know pain could be so delicious and he had to remind himself to breathe again.

            He stood, jaw agape, and face slowly growing redder and redder, until it matched that of his coat. He took a step back, pointing at Kaworu and stammering, “Wh-What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?!”

            He blinked. “You make me happ—“

            “Yeah, I got that part, thanks!”

            “You’re blushing.”

            “I’m not! Why the hell would I blush?!” Yeah! Why the hell would he blush? He hated everything.

            Kaworu looked thoroughly confused, but then his lips spread into his second genuine smile, and he glanced in the direction of the lights and music. “Will you accompany me to the festival, Edward?”

            “Don’t change the subject, damnit! And no! Go by yourself, if you want to so badly.”

            “But I wish to go with you.”

            He turned even redder, like he was about to explode, his eyes darting everywhere but the boy in front of him. “No way in _hell._ ”

            “I’ll pay for your food.”

            “…”

            “I’ve heard that Thastle has amazing stew at their festivals. Beef stew.”

            “…I prefer vegetable stew,” Ed muttered, glancing away.

            “Anything you want.”

            There was another silence, and this was one was calm. No tension, but something definitely hung in the air. Ed huffed, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets and turning on his heel. He began to stalk towards the festival, face still crimson. “We’re going for five minutes. And it’s not some kind of date or anything, so cut all the sentimental crap!”

            Kaworu stood for a second, eyes wide, before nodding and catching up to him, a soft smile playing at his lips. “It’s a date.”

            “Shut up!”

            For tonight, everything would be alright. And, come morning, his time would be up. The slate would be wiped clean, and only one of them would have to carry the burden of a story unfinished.

            But, for now, he was okay.


End file.
